Today I saw Van Halen's video Jump for the first time. (Yes, I know it is more than 20 years old). Seeing David Lee Roth at his most androgynous, and having recently watched Silence of the Lambs for maybe the 12th time, I realized that in Buffalo Bill's "tuck" scene, when he is wearing the meat wig, a cape made of women, and some really awful lipstick, that he is trying to look just like David Lee Roth from this video.

Things I am addicted to:
the Sopranos
gambling
reading Craigslist personals

That is all.

For the first time in 10 months, I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.

Two of my favorite days of the year both happen to fall today, the start of the baseball season and the beginning of Daylight Saving Time.

Me (10:05:12 PM): Mustache March? Why wasn't I informed?
Twig (10:07:49 PM): it was a bet between the band members of headstart. i actually only had one for a day shaved off two plus weeks of growth.
Twig (10:08:20 PM): check out warmfront's top 8
Me (10:09:05 PM): myspace = slow
Twig(10:09:18 PM): yeah. i have the problem too.
Me (10:09:41 PM): dude, I am totally in warmfront's top 8
Twig (10:10:04 PM): wish all 8 could be mustaches but the top 4 will have to do.
Me (10:10:29 PM): beautiful
Twig (10:11:09 PM): yeah, i was proud of myself.



Me (10:11:26 PM): my mustache has been gone pretty much since I took that photo
Me (10:11:28 PM): :-(
Me (10:11:32 PM): damn job interviews
Me (10:11:46 PM): mustaches rule
Twig (10:11:55 PM): yours certainly did.
Me (10:12:08 PM): why thank you
Twig (10:13:56 PM): didn't think the stache would carry a sense of respectability in the interview process?
Me (10:14:31 PM): well, no, because I haven't been interviewing for 1970's porn movies
Me (10:15:02 PM): or a job as a wily 1980's split fingered fastball throwing power reliever
Twig (10:15:33 PM): well, need to search monster.com a little harder to find your true job.

Cough syrup has got to be the most vile liquid known to man.

Have you ever been to Bobby Valentine's restaurant in Stamford? The food is rather subpar, but the drinks are decently priced for CT. For my 24th birthday in Feb. 2003, about 20 friends brought me there for dinner and drinks. Bobby was between jobs at the time, so he happened to be at the restaurant and came out of the kitchen and bought the whole party shots. Pretty cool.

Anyway, I'm actually writing to point out that Bobby V claims to have invented the wrap sandwich, which I find pretty hilarious. Right on the menu, it says (paraphrasing) that one night in the early 80's, he ran out of bread, and improvised by using some available tortillas to build sandwiches -- and that they were a hit. And no, I don't believe him for a second. I would love to see if any other contentious sports figures claim to have invented food or drinks. I'm thinking maybe David Wells was the first to fry a twinkee, or perhaps A-Rod was the first to say "Make mine a chocolate martini".

My home town sucks: http://money.cnn.com/magazines/business2/101dumbest/dumbest_category_realestate/index.htm Way to go Danvers, I redub you Stamford North.

If I hear the song Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer just one more time, I'm going to go on a kill crazy rampage.

I just discovered my cell phone has taken 27 photos of my right front pocket in the last 7 months, before finally filling to capacity some time this week.

Both A Charlie Brown Christmas and The Dot and The Line will be inducted into the inaugural class of the Jon Sheldon Animation + Sound Hall of Fame along with Tom and Jerry.

Orange Citrus flavored Listerine is actually Orange Death in convenient bottle form.

In school I learned to never start a sentence with the word "and". And frankly, I don't feel that rule is appropriate 100% of the time. Though that one was a little gratuitous.

"Are these Nazis Walter?"
"No Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of."
-The Big Lebowski

I have this pet peeve with atheists. A lot of atheists want you to know just how hip and cool and enlightened they are by always mentioning the fact that they are atheists. That they haven't believed in god since fifth grade or whatever. They feel that what they believe is fact. Lets get one thing straight: belief and fact are two different things. I honestly don't care what you believe. And if you are always going around talking about what you believe like its a fact or that it makes you better than everyone else, even if you're an atheist, then you are just as bad as any fundamental religious bible literalist. You are not hip and cool in my eyes and you are detrimental to your cause.

Here are the facts: 1. You can't prove god exists. 2. You can't prove god doesn't exist. 3. Throughout history, religions have done a lot of harm in science and society. 4. Throughout history, religions have done a lot of good in science and society.

I've never seen any evidence that was any where near conclusive on either side of the god / no-god argument. Its pretty easy for some to believe that god is an invention of man as it is pretty easy for some to believe man is an invention of god. Its not worth arguing about. There's plenty of speculation, but nothing science worthy. Personally, I would tend to believe one side against the other, but what I believe is irrelevant because there's no fact. Therefore, what anyone believes is irrelevant, so please don't tell me what you believe unprompted by me. Yes, even if you believe we believe the same thing. I might be an atheist, I might be a fundamental religious bible literalist, I might be a nihilist. Irrelevant all.

Benjamin Franklin didn't get the whole truth when he wrote "But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes". He forgot the third certainty: that you will always have to wait in line at the post office. And the person in front of you will certainly be sending 18 packages to fun loving, diverse countries such as North Korea, Iran and Cuba. And he'll spend about 20 minutes looking up addresses and filling out customs forms and putting the items in their mailer envelopes. Because none of that could have been done before he got to the counter. And all you need to do is buy a book of stamps. Its a good thing you went to the backwater post office that no one knows about so that you wouldn't have to wait in line.

It seems I'm a rarity because I neither loved nor hated Napoleon Dynamite.

What is the point of uncomfortable furniture? It seems like a waste of money and space to me. I can see a need for furniture that is not extremely comfortable, like waiting rooms, but when I come across furniture that is so uncomfortable it actually hurts to sit in it for too long, I want to kill. When an object meant to be used, such as furniture, has aesthetics but no utility, this is a crime against nature. Having utility but not aesthetics is fine, and having utility and aesthetics is better. But aesthetics for aesthetics sake, such as in a modern office building, makes everyone unhappy. Architects and furniture designers need to go back to design school, where you learn how to design for comfort not art. Even I know this, and I have a science degree.

Wicker furniture is the scourge of humanity. Someone told me wicker adds texture to your rooms, which is a design element, but to me, texture just means more surface area where dust can collect. Wicker is also usually uncomfortable. Pier 1 Imports will meet my wrath someday for unleashing this scourge.

Note to self: A surefire way to make yourself throw up is to eat Honey Nut Cheerios, skim milk, a very ripe banana and a glass of orange juice for breakfast, and then go on a 6 mile bike ride in the rain wearing tight Under Armor. For a splash of irony (no pun intended) make sure the toilet has just been cleaned that morning.

Underwear built in to shorts or a bathing suit is probably the worst invention ever. Who do these clothing manufacturers think they are to decide how high or low my crotch goes in relation to my waist? Because they are always wrong.

From Taco Bell's department of redundancy department: Grilled Carne Asada Steak

The house centipede is probably the ickiest bug I have come across in my life. It is extra disturbing to find one in your house late at night, though they do eat cockroaches and other "pest" bugs commonly found in homes.

Beer should come from bottles or kegs only. Cans are gross.

I'm sending this manifesto to the New York Times.

I've noticed that the Little League World Series gets more coverage than any minor league baseball game.

I hate mayonnaise so much that I can barely look at it.

Tom and Jerry is a great cartoon, and one of my all time favorites. The reason is, there are no voices (except for an occasional "Thomas!"), each cartoon has a full orchestra, and the sound and music are the only things controlling your emotions while watching. Great craftwork.

I accidentally discovered that sniffing Purell (62% ethyl alcohol) gets you high as a kite for a brief second. Whoops.

I find the Great Outdoor Games to be more interesting than the X-Games

Grease is the word.

Hooters girls have a tendency to smell like vinegar. Yuck.

Don't ever eat a whole one pound bag of raw baby carrots in one day.

I can't stand when someone refers to the scoring in baseball games as points. You are really showing your ignorance.

I'm pretty sure the Flinstones and the Rubbles were swingers.

I yearn to have my own theme music.

If there is a movie with an upbeat montage scene, the scene has to be tracked with the song Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. There is no alternative; this is a universal truth.

There's no such thing as red NyQuil. There's only one type of NyQuil, and that is the green death variety.

I used to feel being honorable was the greatest ambition a person could strive for. I now feel making other people laugh is the greatest ambition.

Calvin and Hobbes is the best comic strip of all time.

Stuart Scott on ESPN has become a huge parody of himself. Boooyah.

Cursive writing blows. Cursive has been my nemesis since the second grade when I learned it. I got straight up Ds in penmanship. I still can't write x or z cursively.

In my experience, cops and judges are so desensitized to crimes, they do not treat people like humans, but rather criminals, guilty until proven otherwise.

Due to Christopher Walken and Will Ferrell, I can't help but hear the excessive cowbell in Don't Fear the Reaper every time I listen to the song. For the record, my sister was a huge fan of the sketch well before I ever heard it discussed on the internet.

I believe in Rock and Roll and that music can save my mortal soul.

I hate when people spell my name: Jonathon, or shorten it to: John (instead of Jon), particularly when they're replying to an email I sent with the correct spelling in it. Get a clue.

Every Christmas I watch It's a Wonderful Life with my dad and family. And every year I cry at the end. I start blubbering like a baby right around the time when the folk of Bedford Falls start piling the money up on the Bailey's table. Atta boy Clarence!

I'm not a fan of clothes. I prefer less clothes to more clothes. I sleep naked.

Though his website is trash, Jerome Grondin holds the distinction of being the funniest person I know.

I love to be submerged. I love to be surrounded by water. I take long showers. I take frequent showers, particularly in the summer. I love to swim. I love to take baths. I'm a water guy.

Authority Song by John Mellencamp is the perfect rock and roll song. I'm not saying it's the best rock and roll song, I'm not saying it is my favorite, I'm just saying it is the perfect rock and roll song. It's catchy, it has a great beat you can dance to, a great drum solo, and has a little rebellion thrown in.

Why does evey hip-hop song have to have a guest vocalist? Can't hip-hop artists do an album all by themselves? Does this annoy anyone else besides me? It makes the songs harder to rip to MP3!

When I went from having a dishwasher to having no dishwasher, I switched to paper plates, and plastic cups and utensils. I hate washing dishes. I will go to great lengths to avoid washing dishes, and once went 4 months with some partly dirty (but rinsed) dishes piled up in the sink.

ESPN has some of the best commercials.

I get all my best thinking done in the bathroom. On the toilet and in the shower.

I must admit, I occasionally enjoy the music of Alanis Morissette.
So?

Despite what I was taught in school, I don't feel days of the week should be capitalized. Monday monday. Days of the week are not important enough to necesitate capitalization, and to me, they don't even look good capitalized. In fact, their capitalization can throw me off in the middle of a sentence. So you will rarely see me do it.